Txt Msgs R C00L

OK, I've become addicted to text messaging. Someone got me hooked on it. I started off by signing up for the 300 messages for $5 a month. Seeing as incoming messages count towards that 300, I think I used those up in a matter of a few days. So, I switched to the 1000 messages for $10 a month - which would have probably been used up in a week or two.

Now, my old piece of crap phone broke. This is the phone that I thought was the greatest until the little hinge broke off, because it was a cheap piece of shit made in China by a seven year old starving boy who got fired from Kathy Lee's factory, and doesn't know the meaning of the word quality. This little piece that broke off (which in all reality was just a tiny piece of plastic less than a quarter of an inch long) caused my flip phone to not stay open all the way. Which called for the top part of the phone to be held open with one hand so I could actually see what was on the screen.

This sucked for several reasons:

1) It is awkward to text message with only one hand.

2) It made it hard to play Tetris on my phone in the bathroom at work.

3) It felt funny when I was talking to someone on the phone.

"Aw, to hell with it!" I said, and logged on to my cell phone carrier's website to see what new phones were available.

I saw this pink phone there for $179. I checked my eligibility for the rebate, and saw that I could get a $75 rebate towards a new phone if I signed on for another two year contract. Which just means now that I am attached to my cell phone carrier, which is the bane of my existence, for another year.

So, off to the cell phone store I go. I explain my situation to the not-so-friendly representative. He addresses my situation by proceeding to yell at me that I cannot simply buy a new cell phone. What I have to do, according to him, is shell out $50 for phone insurance, hang onto it for just a little over a month (and still use the broken phone, btw) and then turn i my broken phone over to the store for repair. They will return it to the factory, and attempt to repair it. The representative did truthfully advise me that he did not know how long this would take, especially since the starving boy who is familiar with the manufacturing of my phone has been thrown into a Chinese torture/prison camp for violating some red commie law.

If the phone could not be repaired or replaced (which probably would have been the situation - since I was informed that my phone was so old that there are hieroglyphics of ancient civilizations text messaging on it) I would be provided with a new phone of my carriers choice. Which (ooooh, here comes the good part) MIGHT EVEN HAVE A CAMERA!!!!!

Aw, screw that. Look, dude, I just want my pink camera phone today, and I want to pay as little as possible.

I did not like this fellow's attitude, so I basically said (to quote Cartman) "Screw you guys, I'm outta here". And took my business elsewhere.

Which you really can't do when you have a cell phone. That dame contract is more binding than any business contract ever written.

So, off I go to Radio Shack (which is now a "cool" place to shop. Radio Shack used to be only for the geeks and nerds - now everybody shops there. I want my store back!!! But, that is a story for another blog), who just happens to be an authorized dealer for my cell phone carrier.

I'm looking at the phones, and there is my beautiful pink phone, surrounded by an aura of light, begging to be taken home, looking at me with big pink puppy dog cell phone eyes.

The store chick comes up to me, which is a relief. There's just certain times that I feel more comfortable dealing with women. And, buying a pink cell phone is one of them. Don't get me wrong, because there are certain times that I feel more comfortable dealing with men. For example, does it make me sexist/racist/age-ist because I feel more comfortable having my taxes prepared by an old White man than I do by having them done by a young Black woman? Maybe. Oh well.

So, back to the store.

No pressure, no nothing. This chick is all right in my book. I tell her I want that phone. She says "Well, the only one we have in stock in this model is the pink one with the camera."

It's like it's meant to be.

Let me tell you why this phone is so damn awesome:

1) It's pink.

2) It's chunky.

3) It has a camera.

4) There is shiny pink on the front of the phone.

5) You can edit the T9 predictive text dictionary.

6) It has a speaker phone.

7) The little hinges that broke on my previous phone are not so little, ergo harder to break.

So, I get the phone. Rock and roll!

I sign up for the unlimited text messaging feature, because I am about to become a text messaging fool. I am training my little fingers to fly over the number pad with lightning speed. My T9 dictionary is being filled with words that no T9 dictionary has known before. Rock and frickin' roll, baby.

I also sign up for the internet access feature. Which is great, because the first month is free. A month is all I need to download all the ring tones and screen savers that I could ever use. Yes, I am one of those people who gives everybody their own distinctive ring tone. Have any requests to what your ringtone should be? Just let me know, and I will see what I could do.

I also am going around taking pictures of everything with my new camera phone. Screw you, 5.1 Megapixel Cannon camera with 12x optical zoom! I have a cell phone camera now! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I spit on you! (Ok, no I really don't. I love my Cannon camera with all my heart).

Wow, I didn't mean to ramble on that much about my awesome new pink camera phone. So, to summarize - call me on it! And see me sometime so I can take a picture of you and assign it to your phone book entry. And pick a song for a ringtone. And come over and look at my screen saver of my pissed off cat wearing a Santa hat with reindeer antlers.