People Watching at the Gym

As you all know I've been kickin' butt down at the gym after work. I've been doing this for about five or six weeks now, and I've surprised myself by really enjoying it. It's a great stress reliever, and looking forward to going makes the work day go by pretty quick. Besides, I don't feel bad about eating a ton of carbs at lunch, because I know I'm going to use them all up later on that night.

Also, as you all know, I'm a people person. I enjoy interacting with (most) people, and I enjoy people watching. Well, there's plenty of people watching to be done at the gym. Plenty of blogworthy people watching, too. So, without further ado, I give you people I've seen at the gym.

My favorite people watching place is on the stationary bike. It's upstairs, and they are right in front of the edge, so you get to slyly look down at everybody without them knowing.

One night I'm just sitting there, pedaling away, when I see this guy in the weight room, which is lined with mirrors on three walls, open on the fourth wall. He could have been considered attractive, but you could tell he was all into himself, which made him completely unattractive. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with thinking/knowing that you look good. I just don't think that you should let people know that you think you look good. That's way too cocky for my taste. This guy looked like he spent a lot of time getting ready in the morning. I couldn't ever be with a guy who spends more time on his hair and outfit than me.

So, here's this guy lifting the dumbbells. He puts them down, and walks up to the mirror until he is about six inches away. Maybe this caught my eye because I personally am a mirror phobe. Wait... is there a medical term for that? Sit tight while I Google that. Holy crap. There is. It's catoptrophobia. See? Ya learn something new every day, even when reading my blog.

So, here he is right infront of the mirror, when he starts doing these insane flex moves. Kinda like the Hans and Franz sketches from SNL back in the day. This was pretty funny, but then he started making kissy faces at his biceps in the mirror. The guy was just one step away from petting and kissing his muscles, which, admittedly, were pretty buff. Pretty funny stuff!

Tonight, I'm on the bike again, and I saw this girl working on the leg machine. The one where you push the bar up with your legs, and it exercises your upper thigh muscles. Great machine, but whups my ass. I'm still only on 10 lbs, and it's been like two weeks. I can do about 5 reps on 30 lbs (don't ask me why there's no 20 lbs), but my legs are shaking worse than they did on the high dive platform at Wakulla Springs.

So, here's this chick, dressed to the nines. She had on this designer (DKNY is designer, right?) ball cap on, that was baby pink, and had glitter and rhinestones on it. Her top was also a DKNY baby pink, with more glitter and rhinestones. Her capri pants (also DKNY baby pink) were also glittered and rhinestoned. I'm pretty sure that if she would have stood up, they would have said something along the lines of "Sugah Angel" or "Ghetto Baby" across the butt.

Look, chick, you don't wear fancy clothes to the gym, just for the fact that they get all stinky, sweaty, and dirty pretty quick. That's why I wear my old softball t-shirt (with fish blood stains), some $7 capri pants, and my lucky camo turkey hat. I really don't care if they get ruined. Well, I would be upset if something happened to the hat. It's my favorite.

Then you have the complete opposite. There was this dude walking around today, again could have been attractive, except he was so full of himself it was overflowing. He had this green t-shirt on that was perhaps a size too small. He turns around, and there is this giant gaping hole right smack in the middle of the back.

No, I mean a giant hole. Not a little hole that you can't notice. Not a little hole that nobody else can notice. Not even a little hole that you notice but don't care about. I'm talking like a hole big enough to be a secondary neck hole that his head would have fit through had it not been so fat.

To top things off, he had one of those disgusting hairy back. I mean really, really hairy. Take the hairiest Italian man you've ever seen and somehow cross breed him with those Mexican wolf boys, and an angora cat, and that's how hairy this dude's back was. And, it was this nasty disgusting sweaty hair, too. Just popping out of that horrible hole in his shirt. It looked kinda like that hairy mole on the lunch lady's chin in grade school. Except, instead of being surrounded by greasy skin, it was surrounded by this sweaty stinky green cotton.

Ugggh. That was sincerely bogus!!!!

After my workout today, I headed back into the locker room to grab my stuff and dip. Now, the ladies locker room has nice little curtained changing rooms, which is great. I don't like changing in front of strangers. Even if I had that perfect super model body I wouldn't like changing around strangers. I just don't like the thought of other women seeing me in my undies, let alone seeing me in what God gave me.

But, apparently, this chick tonight didn't have the same issue as I did. Never mind the fact that there were about three changing rooms open at the moment. Never mind the fact that I am standing there, about two feet away from her. She wanted to change right then and there, so change right then and there she did.

Good lord, why couldn't she just wait five seconds until I was gone! Maybe she got some kind of high by watching me squirm as I tried to pack up and leave while looking straight down at my feet, and trying like hell not to look in the mirror and see her reflection.

Come on, girl, not everybody wants to see your ass cheeks and skanky underwear. Have some courtesey for the rest of us!!!